Tuesday 25 December 2007
mmhmmm...I get it. I know I shouldnt be saying anth alrd, but I wanna just clear myself at least ba. You have your right to choose who you wanna love or perhaps just have a simple liking to and even hate me for all you want. It is your life after all. Say I may be interfering, but I just worry for you. afraid you would get hurt like the way I never wanted you to. relationships isnt a must afterall. So I guess thats about that alright. Goodluck in everything and God bless(:
and to ben when you see this: I tried. and like you said, it takes 2 hands to clap.
Merry Christmas everyone!
mmmhmmm. Yesterday served the midnight mass. Incense leh. Hahs. and to-no-negative-meaning, among the many wishes I received thru sms or face to face, one msg just changed my mood alright. mmhmmm. but I'm okay now(: hmmm....havent got much to say now really. and so, I wish all Merry Christmas and a happy new year(: that everyone. everyone will be happy and enjoy life to the fullest and not hate it to the core. God bless(:
p.s. I wont be updating for some time to come.Labels: It's an joyous occasion. So lets not spoil it.
09:56, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Saturday 22 December 2007
Okay, First and foremost, Sorry Reginal. This is from the bottom of my heart. Many things just dint occur to me all these while, good or bad stuffs, I just somehow couldnt tell them apart these few months. and no one ever told me anything. but yeah, ytd ben just made me realise everything alright. And I dint mean to insult/hurt/anger/annoy... ... anyone. but however should it be looked upon as that way still, my thousand apologies. I'm really really really really really really really really really really really really sorry.Labels: I'm freaking sorry~
08:46, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Tuesday 18 December 2007
Breathing
19:45, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Breathing
Yellowcard-Breathing
Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
19:40, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
okay...I've nothing much to say really. but I'm feeling a little lousy..and I dont know why. Hahs. Oh wells.
& I'm just wondering if I should get christmas pressies for others. Hmmm...dunno ba.
Things to get for myself:
slippers. damn mine. its spoilt like shiet.
shoes. 1 outing pair, and 1 for sch.
jeans. 1 would be fine.
shirts. 2 or 3 would do.
haversack? perhaps.
Oh wells. thats about all. now needa type things for my dad to get money. but here's a song before I do that.
19:14, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Monday 17 December 2007
Hmmm...I guess I'm fine now. I've made up my mind. and said I'll be strong. so I will.
Last few days I haven been online cos I had the SAAS chalet from wed-fri. and then sat was sleeping much. and ytd, was out the whole day. The chalet was power alright...for two days, slept a total of about 2hrs only. Hahs. on the friday morning, martin, ben, glenn and I even walked to macs...and gosh. we all were like sleep walking please. Haha. joke much.
and ytd was tiring lots. went to church at like 9+ and then sell and sell...and then went for lunch at compass kfc, and well, on the way there I just felt. leftout. but I guess its alright. then after lunch, some left while ben, martin, glenn and I went back to church, settled with father some stuffs, and then went to the salt room. uh huh...long story. so I'll just cut that. Haha. then went to plaza with e rest and ate dinner. and apparently, it is either red isnt obvious enough or Amelia is just lagging eh? She took quite awhile to spot me. Haha. anws, ytd I somehow just dint eat much for both lunch and dinner.. and even after dinner, I was feeling cold all the way. gosh. Aiya wth. then macs dint show the Liverpool vs Man u match. so we went to amelia's house and watched instead. and well, Liverpool was disappointing alright. lol. oh wells. than kinda slept there...and then we left at 12+ or so ba.
Here's a quote from val's blog. I found it rather true for me too...but yeah. Here it is.
We really are two very different people now aren't we? And these days I've been thinking that maybe we weren't meant to be in the first place, maybe we weren't as perfect as we thought we were. You've made the decision to leave this time and I don't blame you, because I've not been making the effort to get you back. I'm glad that you've many people around you who will be able to provide with all the care and love you'll ever need. Just so you know, it's not that I chose to doubt the times we shared, maybe I just forgot the feeling of having you right there for me. Whatever it is take good care of yourself. Forever didn't work out for us despite the strong faith we used to have in it.
Anws, I think im just gonna stop thinking eh. since you dont really wanna talk, it is clear that you dont want this friend ba. but I guess its alright. ytd I made up my mind, to just stop. move on ber. and then, I knew about you liking ...... and well, I was totally fine. I hope. gosh. hopefully I aint lagging like always. tsk. anws, I suggest you just stay out of relationships for now or sth cos like. you haven really gotten over your best all these while, have you. mmhmmm...thank you for your care or whatever you wanna call it last night anws. I appreciate it lots. and I realised that I never really said anth to you ytd, even though you asked me a question, I would just reply using body language. Wierd isnt it. Hmmm...perhaps. It is cos of "take your fuckshit words and dump it down the toilet bowl." Sorry but its just everything has such a big impact on me even after such a long time. and I still love you Reginal. but not as a lover nor a friend, if you even call me one. Its just, you'll always have this special place in my heart. and I'll never forget you alright. Here's a song for you. No secrets-I'll remember you. its actually sung by a female. but what the heck. And you know I still wanna be friends like how we used to. just friends.
No secrets-I'll remember you
It has been so long since we have talked
I hope that things are still the same
hoping they will never change
cause what we had can't be replaced
don't let our memories fade away
keep me in your heart for always
You made me believe
that I can do almost anything
stood right by me
through the tears through everything
I'll remember you,
and baby that's forever true
you're the one that I'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
I'll be there for you,
no matter what your goin' through
in my heart you'll always be, forever baby
I'll remember you
I promise you I won't forget the times we shared, the tears we cried
You'll always be the sun in my sky
It may be fate that brings us back to meet again someday
Even though we go seprate ways
You made me believe
that I can do almost anything
You stood right by me
through the tears through everything
I'll remember you,
and baby that's forever true
you're the one I'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
I'll be there for you,
no matter what your goin' through
in my heart you'll always be, forever baby
I'll remember you
If the day should come when you need someone
(you know that i'll follow)
I will be there
Don't ever let there
be a doubt in your mind
'cause I'll remember you
I'll remember you,
and baby that's forever true
you're the one I'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
I'll be there for you,
no matter what your goin' through
in my heart you'll always be, forever baby
I'll remember you.
Forever baby, I'll remember you
Labels: I'll remember you
09:42, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Monday 10 December 2007
Just wondering. if people act as if they dont care about you anymore or worst still. act like you are NON-EXISTENT, while they still read this (this as in blog), what does that mean? Its just wierd isnt it.
Anws, I just hate everything the way it is right now. I totally hate it okay. but there's nothing I can do. If this is part and parcel of life, than I should call life "hell". Cos it totally sucks.
Having no friends doesnt scare me. cos I had no friends for a long time when I was younger. but losing friends, are what scares me the most. Dint you say that Im always your friend? so why are things like this? Would you just tell me what you are thinking?
If I could, "I'll take my heart, And rip my feelings out"-Quietdrive-rise from the ashes.Labels: So what is this thing you call "love"?
14:34, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Sunday 9 December 2007
I'm not in a good mood. so whoever may be reading this, have the choice of coming here. and you have the choice of reading on. but if you dont wanna waste your time reading my bullshit. go away. Im not in a good mood. so IF you wanna read on, expect the worst also. Thanks.
alright..right now, I just feel like breaking down. but I wont. I just dont find any meaning in life sometimes..and cant help but think that I would be better off dead. After all, no one cares. I dont get it okay. I dont get anything. anything at all. because no one ever told me a shit.
Just what happened? I remember that time when you told me that you dont get why everyone could accept that fact that you were b~ while I cant? And than I replied you. and than somehow, you just gave up after that. You said something like, You know what, just forget it. I even wanted to patch things up or sth like that.. haix. I never said I couldnt. its just that. to say it at a time after a breakup? I just couldnt take it okay. and you never gave me the chance to make the better of things anymore. everything just turned hostile soon after that.
and I also remember that you once said, "I'll never break with you. and even if you wanna break with me, I will say 'no' la" or sth similar. but the point is there anws.
what happened to everything? for awhile, things were still okay after the break. but just what happened that caused this relationship to turn bad? Isit me? Isit something I did? Or isit something that someone else did? or isit a misunderstanding? I dont get it. cause you never cared to explain anything. anything at all.
alright..I've nothing more to say for now..Im tired. sick and tired of everything ba. I guess Im gonna sleep now.....that is IF I can. so yeah.
15:07, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
Wednesday 5 December 2007
Hmmm...I havent been updating for awhile. so yeah. I'm here once again.
Haix. I dont really know what to say anws. perhaps some songs can help me ba.
Backstreet Boys - I still
Quietdrive - Get up
Quietdrive - I lie awake
Quietdrive - The season
Westlife - Fool again (How was I to know, You never told me)
Silverstein - Worlds Apart ( So, maybe one day the pain will go away, And I will see your face, I won't even care.)
Silverstein - My heroine
Daniel Beddingfield - If You're Not The One
Chris Daughtry - Over you (Now that it’s all said and done, I can’t believe you were the one, To build me up and tear me down)
Chris Daughtry - Its not over
Hinder - How long ( Why'd you go and break what's already broken ,I try to take a breath but I'm already choking, How long till this goes away. I try to remember to forget you, But I break down every time I do)
The Used - Buried Myself Alive (you almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines)
Alright..I guess thats almost all. Its kinda contradicting. but thats the way I am feeling. I dont even know what I am doing. Haix. I said I got rid of the feelings. but I guess thats a lie. So, what is "love"? Does it have the flexibility to just turn on and off feelings for a person? or does it enable one to perhaps love, another while having feelings for another all this while? Or just perhaps. I am going crazy.
I suggest you shouldnt read on if you aint ready. I just dont wanna inflict any more hurt ba.
Why are things the way they are now? more than 4mths without talking to each other. and twice. twice you said bye to others just beside me. but just not to me. You had to do that ba. just wow.
"no one hangs on to me"? Perhaps...Labels: You are a major impact in my life
16:34, & I live by faith and not by sight for you
